During my first summer home from college, I came home drunk one night and woke feeling like a million dollars. There was something about the way Mommy was looking at me and all that had passed between us that motivated me to stay up until 5:30am, drinking at home the next weekend. I distinctly remember seeing beige and trying to sit up but being unable to, leaning slightly to the right. Then, and this is very clear, I smelled something horrible and thought, “That’s my semen. Everyone is going to know I’ve been jerking off. Blackness returned and my dad came in around 4pm to tell me my mother had burned a skillet of fried chicken. I found out what happened years later. That evening, she would only mouth “no” and harshly shake her head whenever I caught her eye. Was I abused? I was masturbating every night in the study adjacent to her bedroom to the stories on this site, cumming with the word “mommy” literally thundering again and again in my blood. My virginity was so hers. If she hadn’t taken it, I’d have lost respect for her.
